why is always a question in me

why does it seemed to be this way and not that way in my life?
no metter how much i tried to turn it around it still going the same direction...
why there is always you in me and not me in you?
am i just so terrible until the end results are like a disaster?
why are you just so relax and never shade any tears when it comes to a hard part?
or it is im just too sensitive...
i know i had a strong feeling for you and i am sure most of it is i love you....
but why do i feel you are not the same like you always were?
have you changed or you are hiding something away from me which you did not want me to know anything about "it"...
how can i solve all this WHY's....
it is just so hard...
although its a question and it seemed to be easy to answer but it is hard to know wether it is the right one or not.

gash!!!! Bad day

my day couldn't get any worst then today...
what is with the lecturers in my college...
they maybe have some problem or maybe they just wanted to release their anger man....
i can't just let it happen to me like what happened today....
OMG...just because i had became an MC doesn't mean that u can scold me what ever you like...
why..do you have any problem of me becoming an MC for the graduation day???
whats with you man...
i have given a green light to go and you still ask the same question over and over again....
"you are the MC for the graduating day???"
oh,WTF i just felt like giving you one big punch on the face man....
i got the paper and its being handed out to ME man....
i know you anti me but it doesn't mean that you can treat me like shit...
never mind now i know that need to wear so feminine look so im not that interested at all man you can have it back if you want to...
anti me,what ever you want just do it i don't give a shit anymore man...
im tired,i got my friend involve,im stressed out...
now what ever you ask me to do i'll just reject it...
i'm so sick and tired of this game i just want to get over it..
but it haunts me...
i feel the guilt for getting my friend involve in this stupid shit...
how wish i got the power to turn back time just to correct this case but now the guilt is so deep until it cannot heal anymore it will leave a scar and i don't think my friend will treat me like she use to anymore or maybe she'll not be my friend anymore or anything i ask from her she'll just turn a deaf ear..
i hate it when it comes to this situation where there is nothing for you to do but there is a big problem right infront of your eyes...
i burst in tears right infront of another lecturer which is so embaressing to me its like OMG..
and not only that even my seniors man...
oh....i can't take it anymore..
feel like just disapear from the world so that no one could get involve or hurt anymore who are near me or those who new me...
how wish im just no one...wait...i am a no one...probably...
oh well...its just me me..i can't change that fact but all i know what happens today will change everyone's point of view towards me and it will change my life don't know wether its in a bad way or a good way...
it will haunt me until i never see the same face again later on.